Parenting is not an easy job. And the most essential — yet troublesome piece of parenting is figuring out how to converse with your child. Kids take everything truly and the manner in which you talk with them goes far in building their personality.
As a parent, however, while busy juggling errands, you may wind up responding to your child, now and again speaking unexpected words. Shockingly, a youngster’s psyche isn’t developed enough to comprehend that these were accidental and subsequently, it disturbs their little minds. In any case, don’t stress. We’ve all experienced this.
To have strong positive relationships with our children, it’s important to remember to Respond rather than React.
Reacting means that you meet your child’s emotionally-charged behavior with your own emotionally-charged reply. They are yelling, so you enter the conversation by yelling. They are screaming and having a tantrum, so you work hard to quiet them down and “get over” their fussing.
Responding, on the other hand, gives your child permission to express their big emotions, ideas and feelings without criticism, shame or guilt. If your child is upset because something doesn’t seem fair, you let them be frustrated and express empathy. There’s no need to change your mind or try to fix the problem.
React vs. Respond
Here some examples of reacting vs. responding:
“Stop that crying right now!” vs. “You look upset, do you need a hug?”
“If you two don’t stop fighting, I’m turning this car around!” vs. “I am pulling over. When the car is quiet, I will continue driving.”
“What?! You spilled your juice again!” vs. “Oops, let’s get a rag and get that mess cleaned up.”
“Darn right it’s not fair. Life’s not fair. Get used to it.” vs. “I can tell you’re upset about my decision.”
“How many times do I need to ask you to feed the dog?” vs. “It seems like we’re always forgetting to feed the dog. Can you help me create a plan so we remember to feed him every morning?”
“Another ‘C?’ What’s going on with you?” vs. “It looks like you are struggling in math. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“That’s enough whining, young lady.” vs. “Please use a calm voice when asking me for something.”
“I’ve had it with you!” vs. “I’m feeling frustrated right now, I’m going to take a walk to calm down.”
Sometimes it’s going to be easy to respond but difficult to react. Other occasions, it will be all the more difficult… particularly in case you’re feeling worn out, pushed, overpowered, stressed, baffled, and so on. On the off chance that it’s one of those days, make sure to relax. Give yourself that brief instant to choose in the event that you will respond or react. (On the off chance that it’s extremely one of those days… take two full breaths!)